QUESTION: Teaching Respect to Children: The Emily Post Approach

Teaching Respect to Children: The Emily Post Way

Why Respect Starts with Us

One of the most powerful things we can teach children is respect, and perhaps the most humbling part is that they learn it far less from what we say and far more from what we do.

Emily Post famously said:

“Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.”

Children watch everything. They notice how we speak to our partners, how we react when frustrated, how we treat waitstaff, relatives, neighbors, and even how we speak about ourselves.

Between the ages of one and three, children begin developing an awareness that other people have feelings, opinions, and boundaries too. At first, the world revolves around their own needs (quite naturally!), but slowly they begin to understand that their actions affect others, and that others’ actions affect them.

This is where respect quietly begins.

Sibling Arguments: Annoying… but Surprisingly Useful

If you have more than one child, or grandchildren, you will know that conflict arrives early.

Toddlers can be remarkably determined and often more capable of holding their own than we give them credit for. And contrary to popular belief, the older child is not always the instigator.

As adults, our instinct is often to intervene immediately and solve the disagreement. Sometimes that is necessary, especially if anyone becomes physical. Physical aggression should always be stopped calmly and firmly.

But not every disagreement needs rescuing.

Some of childhood’s most valuable lessons happen in these small moments of negotiation:

• waiting for a turn
• expressing disappointment
• apologising
• finding compromise
• realising that relationships survive disagreement

Before assigning blame, pause.

Were you there?
Did both children have the opportunity to explain?
Could one child be reacting rather than provoking?

Respect means hearing both sides, even the smallest voices.

Respect Is Not About Being Right

Each child deserves to feel seen in their individuality, the older child, the younger child, the quieter child, the more spirited child.

Children do not need perfect parents. They need fair ones.

When emotions run high, our role is not simply to discipline, it is to demonstrate:

• honesty and truthfulness
• self-respect alongside respect for others
• emotional self-control
• compromise and negotiation
• calm problem-solving
• peaceful conflict resolution

Emily Post once wrote:

“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.”

What a beautiful definition of respect—and one that applies as much at home as anywhere else.

And perhaps this is the gentle reminder for all of us parents and grandparents alike:

Children may not always remember the exact words we used… but they will remember how our home felt.

May it be a place where voices are heard, differences are respected, apologies are normal, and kindness is practiced daily.

Because respect is not taught in one conversation.
It is lived, one interaction at a time.

Hope you all have a wonderful summer with your loved ones – may it be conflict free, peaceful and fun!

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