QUESTION:
How should one behave when subjected to the “hot–cold” treatment?
One day, someone is warm, attentive, and deeply engaged in conversation. The next, they barely acknowledge your presence—no greeting, no eye contact, perhaps even a deliberate avoidance.
Do you respond tit for tat?
Or do you remain steady?The philosophy upheld by the Emily Post Institute reminds us that manners are not transactional. Civility is not something we extend only when it is returned. It is a personal standard.
Before reacting, pause for self-reflection.
Have we unintentionally misread the dynamic?
Is there a possibility of distraction, stress, or misunderstanding?
Not every shift in tone is personal—but how we respond always is.
What To Do
Maintain composure and acknowledge the person with simple, measured courtesy.
“Good evening—nice to see you.”
No edge. No overcompensation. Just steady courtesy.
If the response is brief, accept it graciously. If there is no response, pivot confidently toward others. Continue engaging others in the room with warmth and presence.
If the pattern persists over several encounters, adjust expectations—not your manners. A polite nod and brief greeting are sufficient. You are not obligated to pursue connection where it is not reciprocated.
What To Avoid
- Responding tit for tat.
- Publicly confronting the person
- Gossiping or recruiting allies.
- Exaggerating friendliness to compensate.
Each of these reactions lowers the tone and places you in a reactive position.
The Larger Principle
In Professional Circles, Courtesy Is Foundational!
Within a WIN setting—or any professional women’s network—acknowledgment is basic courtesy. Greeting fellow members is not optional; it sustains the integrity of the community.
Even if someone is inconsistent, your responsibility remains unchanged. Consistency builds credibility. A person who fluctuates between intensity and distance reveals unpredictability. A person who remains composed, courteous, and measured demonstrates maturity.
Civility is not weakness. It is discipline. And it is most powerful when it is least convenient.
Real self-worth doesn’t mean lowering yourself to match someone else’s unpredictable behavior. It means respecting yourself enough to stay gracious, take a step back when needed, and carry on enjoying the evening, without letting anyone else’s mood swings determine how much fun you have!
Chris