November 2025 Meeting Speaker Recap
Fierce Civility; Joe Weston’s Potent Recipe for Managing Conflict
by L.A. Robbins
Bullying or niceness will not maintain a thriving system: a fierce level of cooperation will.
Joe Weston, Resilience Coach, Executive Mentor and Transformational Leadership Facilitator, captivated WIN listeners in an interactive talk about finding your authentic self and cultivating the resilience to practice it. On Wednesday, 12 November, Weston commanded the stage with details of his global mission to ignite fierce hope. With WIN member Leslie Buskirk as his martial arts partner, he demonstrated how a synthesis of embodied techniques offers a higher solution to the polemics that monopolize communities and organizations. The rift in contemporary political spheres is prolonged with a worn out ‘win-lose’ mentality. (Brexit and Covid 19 diatribes are cases in point) Weston’s recipe proposes an effective alternative, a dialectic approach. Know yourself, speak your truth and give your opponent the benefit of the doubt as you safely work for mutually satisfactory goals.
Weston appealed to many expats in attendance when he began by noting that living in a culture different from your own provides unique insight and energy. He’s clearly benefitted: American by birth, Weston lives and works in the Netherlands.
‘I was attracted to conflict and confrontation because I’m originally from New York city, a small space which is home to millions of people.’ With his father in jail when he was 12 years old, Weston was ‘wound up’ as a young man. Tai chi and other martial arts training taught him about the mind-body connection. ‘I take force – the attack of an opponent – and shift it.’ He reinforced his studies with the practice of Eastern traditions such as Buddhism and Taoism
Weston offered an example of how his approach works with one of his ongoing Executive coaching clients, Ellen. She recently took on a new VP position in a large company, and planned a meeting to meet with local officials for a project she inherited.
She entered the meeting room and six men immediately yelled at her that her project was a failure. Employing various tools from Joe’s methodology, including ‘the power of the pivot’, Ellen slowly took off her coat, walked towards the men and calmly introduced herself and bid them to do the same. ‘I’d like to know the names of those who are ambushing me.’ This diffused the tension and reminded the men that we are all a part of the solution. In the confrontation, Ellen had choices. The traditional Fight, Flight, Freeze, for starters. The six men were bullies. Ellen could have accepted their mandate, been, as Joe calls it, ‘chronically nice’ (flight/freeze) Or she could have yelled back at them (fight). However:
‘Bullying or niceness will not maintain a thriving system, a fierce level of cooperation will.’
‘Instead, Ellen shifted the energy… pivoted to initiate a ‘win-win scenario.
My work is to diffuse the I win/you lose approach, Weston explained. ‘If we stay connected to our authentic self, and connect to others in this way, we can get more done with less effort.’ Fierce Civility is how to do this.
What does fierce mean? Civility (niceness, polite behaviour) alone is not enough to tackle the aggression of our time. Yet an angry conflict will not work either.
A synthesis brings them together. Respectful confrontation generates diplomacy. Two martial arts opponents bow to one another when they meet on the mat to fight. In bowing they acknowledge and honour the other, Weston states.
‘The problem is not what we are saying, rather how we are saying it. Respecting your opponent means meeting him where he/she is. Get a collaborative vibe going.’
‘It’s scary to engage in challenging conversations or with difficult people. But fear can be healthy: it awakens courage and creativity. Fearlessness is dangerous.’ We need to work on ourselves, he argues. Consider today’s world: dysregulated, emotionally unstable and mentally distracted.
We live in a world that is technologically overfed and spiritually malnourished. Most of us get by in survival mode, our nervous systems, running on adrenalin. When we stay in our chronic stress, we can’t access critical thinking skills; we can’t access our hearts.’ It’s in the heart that we find our authentic self, Pope Leo said at a recent conference. In uncertain times we need to regulate our nervous systems, monitor our response to stress and cultivate relationships. This is how we access our power in uncertain times. We need to look for the root cause of the disagreement and eliminate it.
Listeners interjected with burning questions. It’s often aggressive males who perpetrate violence, said Gillian. ‘Palestinian women must learn to develop their own resilience,’ added Amira. Elena asked how parents can cope with aggressive children. Weston acknowledged that a lot needs to be done in these fields. He has trained leaders in Gaza to teach their men not to beat their wives, worked with prisoners and veterans, he notes, inviting the curious to get in touch.
What does resilience mean?
Presence, awareness balance and flow
Weston offered an exercise for regulating ourselves, finding balance and connecting with others. Centre yourself, find presence. Allow this calm awareness to disburse throughout your body, then throughout the room. This practice invites feelings of safety and connectedness. It allows us to be our best. In conclusion, Weston urged us to focus on personal thriving: physical vitality, emotional stability, mental clarity and spiritual grounding. He says:
If you are looking for some support, get in touch to talk about some coaching – personal and professional.
If you are working with a company and looking to increase productivity and effectiveness from the inside out, get in touch.
Joe Weston is an international thought leader, author, lecturer, consultant, coach, professor, and—above all else—an advocate for lasting peace. With a career spanning 30+ years in the fields of conflict prevention, leadership, stress management, and communication, his work is rooted in resilience, compassion, and fierce accountability. Global clients include organizations such as NASA, the World Bank, Oxfam, The United Nations, the National Cancer Institute, and Mitsubishi Motors.
Website: https://joeweston.com
Email him. info@joeweston.com
Weston’s Ted Ex talk ‘A Cure for Chronic Niceness’
https://joeweston.com/tedx-speaker/